in japan there is a tradition of zen buddhist monks and nuns writing death poems.
the poems can be written at any time of life or at the author’s imminent death. almost universally they contain a meaningful observation on life. this is one of my favourites, written by the most famous poet of the edo period in 15th century japan, matsuo basho. autumn night don’ think your life didn’t matter
it is an autumn night, a life approaching near to its end. it is a time of reflection, of introspection, of contemplation. at this moment we might reflect on the challenges, losses and accomplishments of a lifetime. there may be thoughts of “not good enough”, or “i didn't do enough”, “i’ll just sit and wait to die”.or we might take these reflective moments to know deeply inside that all life matters. we are all important energies in the world, regardless of what we have done or not done. we are each unique, a facet on the jewel of life.in the autumn of life we have the capacity to reframe and repair, to find forgiveness in ourselves (both for ourselves and others), to transform the paradigm of ageing. it is in the autumn of a life that we have enough experience to grow wisdom and to manifest that wisdom as a gift to all those we touch.no matter what the season outside the window, the autumn of life is filled with potential when we live it with curiosity, compassion and open-heartedness. each day can be filled with adventure, even when we can’t leave the chair.
it might be the inner adventures that fill our life in its autumn. it might be that then we know that our life matters.
perennial?
“They are not slowing down but taking on new challenges, roles, and responsibilities…They are not wilting in the autumnal year of their life. They are perennials. And, like their namesake in nature, they are hardy, with the ability to withstand changes to their environment; they adapt, evolve and grow anew.”
so says ben page, the chief executive of ipsos mori, in the introduction to a 100+ page report. based on data collected from all over the world some astounding facts emerged…73% of people in india look forward to old age.
in germany you are considered to be old at 62
and in spain it’s 74.
however in saudi arabia it’s 55.
here in the UK it seems that people between 65 and 75 are happy and consider things they are doing to be worthwhile, including sex. (meanwhile, those 40-59 experience high levels of anxiety and low levels of satisfaction. i wonder if that includes their sex lives….?)and those of us over 50 have enormous economic power. to quote an article about this report in the ‘i’ newspaper (1 april 2019…this was not their april fool’s day article!),
“if the silver pound were a sovereign nation, it would be the world’s third-largest economy.”
this buying power also gives us a political power. while there are certainly many olders who are poor, those of us who have the ability to do so can make a difference by our consumer choices. we can support artisans, plastic-free products, organic foods and farmers’ markets, local booksellers and make investments in ethical companies.while i haven’t read the actual report, i was over-joyed to read the article. the “i” has a large circulation, both online and in print, so lots of people may have read this article. it has further inspired me to continue to change the paradigm of ageing, both in myself and in the world.will you join me? what sort of perennial are you? where is your place in the rich, abundant garden of life?
quantity? quality?
“as it is with a play, so it is with life—it is not how long the acting lasts but how good it is.” ~~~ seneca*
we often seem to measure a life’s worth by the length of that life. certainly we gain experience and wisdom as we age. and yet, is the number of years in a life the only valuable aspect of that life?how good were those years? what have we created? how have we loved? have we been compassionate and caring? have we been honest? what have we learned and shared with others? these, and many other qualities, might be a more remarkable measure of a lifetime.quality is subjective, of course. what brings good quality to my life might seem utterly boring and dull to someone else. what makes their life exciting and meaningful might seem meaningless and empty to me. no matter what creates meaning in a life, it is vital to a life well-lived.
having a purpose, regardless of what it is, keeps us filled with energy. purpose creates a sense of wakefulness and awareness, an aliveness not found in a life without a reason for being. a chosen involvement, an activity that holds our attention and excites our creativity, gives us, as we age, a focus of attention. it can become a meditation in itself as we give it our interest, our energy and, yes, our love.this may be the mark of seneca’s good life. so it matters not how long, but how fulfilling is each moment that passes. is the moment filled with awareness of what is present? is the moment, and therefore the life, filled with wakefulness?*seneca was a roman stoic philosopher who died in 65 ce. he also said, "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness." and that's no joke!
death cafe
have you ever attended a death cafe? i would heartily recommend finding one in your neighbourhood. what, you might ask, is a death cafe? those two words seem oxymoronic!
in the words of www.deathcafe.com…
“At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes.It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.Our Death Cafes are always offered:- On a not for profit basis- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake! “
(please note: cake is a vital ingredient in a death cafe.)
i have attended several death cafes, and hosted a few myself. (anyone can host one. there is a wonderful guide on the website.) i’m always amazed at the variety of fears, thrills, experiences, and views about dying and death which emerge at a death cafe. i’m most struck by two things.the first is openness. because the underlying ethos is discussion without motivation to sell or convince anyone of anything, the space is held in mindful equality. no one knows more than anyone else. no one leads the discussion. everyone’s experience is valued equally. the conversation is free-wheeling and free-flowing.i’m also always struck by the participants’ willingness to discuss a deeply personal, and often painful, subject. what arises in every death cafe i’ve attended is the lack of public discourse about everyone’s inevitable end. because death (and birth) have become medicalised and removed from daily life, talk about dying and death is almost always avoided. the cafes themselves are beginning to bring about a radical change. it seems that open discussion, in a confidential space, where nothing is expected, allows for healing.begun in england in 2011, based on the work of swiss sociologist and anthropologist, bernard crettaz, there have been over 8000 death cafes all over the world.
people of all ages attend, each bringing their own ideas and thoughts. and each person leaves more empowered than when they arrived.and, needless to say, everyone enjoys the cake?
after morocco
two weeks in another culture, another country, another landscape does wonders for the mind and heart. i spent the time with 28 people i didn’t know on an escorted holiday that covered 1500 miles, many geologic zones, and many tagines! 
i did take note of the lack of older people on the streets. then i discovered that half for morocco’s population is under 30! i don’t know why that is, but its a remarkable statistic. this younger population has moved out of the old cities into modern blocks of flats. no winding, crowded alleyways for the internet generations. instead they have opted for soulless, identical buildings without character or charm. granted, they are also without donkeys and their poop!
as i gave more thought to the culture around me i realised that life happens inside in morocco...inside the walls of the courtyards. that is where the beauty lies. that is also where the olders are. inside. hidden? protected? happy?
sadly, i neglected to inquire of the local guide about the attitude toward olders/elders in this most liberal of Islamic countries.so I did what any 21st century elder would do...i logged on to the ‘net and found some very disturbing articles...morocco among the worst countries for people over 60....half of morocco’s sick elderly can’t afford to pay for healthcare...nearly 70% of morocco’s elderly are illiterate.no wonder the elders i saw on the streets were infirm, most likely poor, and ailing.
my heart ached for them as i continued along in an air conditioned coach, aware of the disparity between my life and theirs, my incredible privilege and their lack of what i often take for granted.my heart still bleeds.
a holiday
taking time out is essential to our well-being. it may be as simple as a moment on the sofa, or as complex as an international holiday.i’ve chosen the latter. i’m off to morocco in a few days and will take a short rest from posting on this blog.
i will certainly be looking at how elders are regarded as i travel from place to place!
the communication with you, and the actual writing of the posts, is essential to my well-being. so the will certainly re-appear in your inbox soon.take some time out!be well!