chatting with friends the other day, our topic of conversation flowed seamlessly to the state of our bodies…after discussing at great length the state of the world, of course.there were the expected aches and pains to be mulled over and an ample number of healing suggestions made and much love and compassion expressed. and then there was silence…the silence of recognition that our bodies may have become unfamiliar territory. we no longer knew what we could, or could not, do. we no longer knew what unexpected, and probably unwanted, challenge would arise next. into this conversation came the idea of loving our bodies exactly as they are. someone mused, “i wonder if i could do that. could i truly accept and embrace my continually aching back?”
we sat in silence again, each of us pondering our personal relationship with these changes.someone else looked up and smiled. she declared very clearly, “i can…because i don’t want to live in the alternative.”another friend then asked, very quietly, “can i regard my body as sacred? it doesn’t look the same or feel the same as it did, but it is still the same body. i saw it as sacred in the past. why not now?”we sat in silence again, letting the space between us grow with possibility. could this be our elder contribution to the world? could this view of the fully embodied older self bring an opening into the world? could this relatively small shift in consciousness mark a major shift to elderhood?it may not address the dire issues of our time. however, it can make our experience of each year, each day, each moment very different.
may i be one of the illumined oneswho sees the bodyas the temple,and so realise the great blissof transforming its every activityinto worship and ecstasy.~~abhinavagupta
(abhinavagupta (c. 950 – 1016 AD[1][2]) was a philosopher, mystic and aesthetician from kashmir.[3] He was also considered an influential musician, poet, dramatist, exegete, theologian, and logician[4][5] – a polymathic personality who exercised strong influences on Indian culture. thank you, guru google.)
ahh, the wonders of velcro, spellcheck, debit cards, pre-wired plugs, kettles that switch off and dishwashers. they can make our lives easier…sometimes…and, along with them, i’m incredibly grateful for hot and cold running water.
of that list, the one that causes me the most concern is the tying of shoes. this may seem totally inconsequential compared with managing money. my concern is about brain development. the simple act of tying shoes creates a remarkable number of neural pathways responsible for future learning. people who can’t tie their shoes will be making decisions about me in the near future! that’s scarey!these women and men will be making laws that will effect me over the next decades.and a skill that used to be mastered at age four is now being delayed until nine or ten. their fine motor skills, visual motor skills, attention span along with patience and memory are being delayed as well.while i’m not volunteering to teach four-year olds to tie their shoes, i am available to hold the space of wisdom for the future. how do we, as elders, influence the future? where can we influence the hearts and minds of those younger than we are? how can we step into a larger arena, where our voices are heard and respected?we can do this every day, in every encounter, in every vote we cast, in every purchase we make and in every authentic conversation. we have the ability to effect change in a way that promotes respect for ourselves as elders and for those who are younger.it begins with self-respect…and tying shoes.
the ‘family’ of love is particularly inspiring, of course. harvey tells us, in the introduction to the ‘family’, that rumi says, in one of his odes, “all that we will take across the waters of death is the jewel of love.”as elders we have the wisdom to appreciate love’s vital role in life, to express that love and to cultivate it as we would a garden. love needs nourishment, good soil, sunshine and water. it needs conscious attention as well as an open heart. to inspire ourselves with the beauty of love is one of our reasons for being on the planet. our continued opening to love gives us courage to live honestly and passionately…even in the face of love’s pain and disappointment.
in some ways, love itself is a kind of death. we can open and let go of the hardened parts of ourselves, the armour that kept love away. we can learn to be with what is and let go of our need to have the world be exactly as we would want it. we can surrender to truth and let go of our expectations and inauthenticity. each of those lettings go is a small death. these deaths contribute to the softening of the ego that many spiritual traditions encourage.it is death in the bliss and ecstasy of love. 
then i looked at the cost…yikes!
i decided to create a retreat in my home, to be undertaken in a few weeks time. no, it’s not a stately home nor are there woods anywhere nearby. there is, however, a lovely park within easy walking distance and the seafront one street away. i can ask a friend who loves healthful cooking to prepare meals for me. i can attend as many yoga classes as i might like. i can ask my favourite yoga teacher to work out a schedule of meditation and practice on the mat. and i know a fabulous massage therapist.no, it’s not the same. and it’s just fine.retreat….the common definition implies a defeat or a strategic move to better one’s military position. also we find retreat defined as a withdrawal to a secluded or quiet place.my flat is certainly quiet, though not secluded. and i undertake this retreat not in defeat. rather in joy, self-respect and self-care.my aspiration is to deepen,to quiet enough inside to look more closely at who i am right now, in each moment.to quiet enough inside to feel the movement of energy,to quiet enough inside to feel the profound emotion that comes with the process of ageing,to quiet enough inside to feel breath and heartbeat.i know there will be moments of challenge when i would rather be doing almost anything other than being quiet and looking/feeling inside. there will be moments when the computer and the telly beckon to me tantalisingly. there will be moments when my joints ache from sitting in meditation. there will be moments when fear and anxiety might arise. there will be moments when i long to eat an ice cream.and there will be moments of calm, tranquility, equanimity, and almost unbearable beauty. there will be flashes of insight, deeper understanding and explosive joy when my heart might open.
all of this contained in the exploration of what it means to be a sage-in-training, an elder, a full human.i invite you to join me in finding a retreat of you own. it could be a moment’s pause in your busy day. it could be the choice to learn a mediation practice or to renew one that has gone stale. it could be a blessing before a meal. it could be a conscious smile offered to a homeless person. it could be a breath. it could be a visit to a stately home for a spa retreat! 
...a friend recently commented,”i’m at an age where i could die tomorrow or i could live another 20 years. should i regard each day as a bonus or plan long term?”my answer to her was, “BOTH!”one aspect of elder wisdom is the possibility of letting go of either/or thinking and embracing both/and consciousness. we can choose both. each day is a gift, a bonus, if you like. it’s another opportunity to smile, to dance, to breathe, to grieve, to love, to experience all that life offers.and planning for the long term is a sensible path to take. it provides some semblance of security in a very insecure world. it answers the basic survival need we all have as humans. taking care of adequate shelter, some form of health care, a will, an advance directive and powers of attorney all make perfect sense.
these documents may allow us to relax into our elderhood free from a bit of anxiety. they certainly might present challenges in dealing with siblings, spouses, or children. and, at the same time, they allow us to make our wishes clearly known.with the material plane sorted out we can take time to reflect on our inner tasks. these might involve writing an ‘ethical will’ or a life history or a letter to someone loved dearly. there might be a task of forgiveness, either to be offered or accepted. we might have some time to review the significant events and people in our lives, acknowledging both the lessons we accepted easily and those we learned from our severe teachers. we might even plan our funeral.long term planning and living each day as a gift are not mutually exclusive. in fact, the planning might make living fully more possible. the living of each day, being as fully present as possible, might make the planning easier and more authentic.we can do BOTH!
an older study tells us that we don’t, that our brains are hard-wired and s top producing neurons after adolescence.who to believe? what’s the truth?as we know, medical advances tell us something new almost daily. the conclusions are often confusing and contradictory. we also know, from personal experience of our own process and that of the people we know, that each of us is different, with different life experience, different health histories, different levels of resilience. though medical studies try to look at a broad population, they never really conclude what is possible or probable for any one of us as individuals.while we all want to live as long as we can maintaining our health, we also know we will, slowly or quickly, change and face the challenges of change, regardless of new neurons or old ones. we also know that we have other resources.
