“sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do.”
an acquaintance said that to me the other day. it brought me up short. most of us have spent quite a long time doing what we might not want to do....jobs, parent care, childcare, endless meetings, holidays with family, looking at challenging relationships, living through losses of varying magnitude, learning lots of difficult lessons.we’ve all had to, over the decades, face fierce teachers and teachings. we’ve all had to, over the decades, sacrifice our desires for something we thought was more important or more valuable. we’ve all had to, over the decades, suffer pain, discomfort, illnesses...none of which we wanted or chose.and now, as elders, we may continue to do things we don’t want to do. now, however, we can make those choices more consciously. with more time to reflect, to look inside for our truth, we can choose to go ahead with what we don’t want to do...or we can say “no”.we can choose to do the things and activities that nourish us, inspire us, and let go of the things and activities that don’t.yes, we might miss out.yes, we might forego an opportunity.yes, we might pass up something unknown.yes, someone’s feelings might be hurt...and we will deal with the consequences.and yes, we can choose to listen to the deep, inner voice that said “no”.
and yes, we can save our energy for that which is exciting, challenging, energising, invigorating, creative, loving, compelling.and, yes, we can make choices that might have seemed impossible without the wisdom and experience we have gained over the decades. we have harvested that wisdom after facing the challenges and we can now act from a place of inner strength.
we can say “yes”.
and we can say “no”.
in 2012 he published a book of essays on various subjects, expressing his reflections. here is one that touched and inspired me deeply.
needless to say, she was a bit unsteady on her feet and walked at a very slow pace, supported by her mum and the handle of the buggy.a few days ago, as a i walked along on a cold winter day, an older woman walked along the same street. she was a bit unsteady and walked slowly. she too was supported. her hands rested on the handles of a zimmer frame/walker and her carer was right next to her.
no one stopped to comment on her courage or her strength.no one stopped to admire her white hair.no one stopped to chat with her carer.no one stopped.in fact, other pedestrians simply whizzed past her with disgruntled looks on their faces, wishing this 'old lady' would get out of their way as they hurried to their important coffee date in the cafe on the corner.same pace.same support.very different responses.p.s. a regular reader of this blog recently told me she wanted more time between posts so that she could be with the content a little longer, so that she would have time to contemplate. while i love writing the posts, the time to integrate and 'be with' is also important. posts will come once a week, instead or twice, for a while...or until i get too excited about writing that i can't wait that long!
i had the think about that. what is the use of meditation? why approach life from the perspective of a spiritual path? what good has it done me?my first response to this inquiry was to notice that the questions are based in the concept of acquisition, of usefulness, of reward (and possibly punishment), of a goal. we are so steeped in a culture of material gain and ownership that a life of spirit can seem almost silly.and yet, so many are seeking. so many are engaged in meditation and other spiritual technologies and practices. (there is an app i use to ring bells for my meditation practice that tells me that there are thousands meditating at the same time that i am, all over the world.) there must be a reason.as i continued to contemplate the original question i realised that the spiritual path doesn't get me anywhere except where i am...right now, right here.
there is no other place to be. the past has passed and the future has yet to arrive. there is only now...with its joys and discomforts, with its disappointments and its successes, with its suffering and its healing, with its griefs and gladness, with its insights and unconsciousness.upon further contemplation of these questions i realised that, from the perspective of elderhood, the now allows me to taste, feel, and see things as if this might the last time. this leads me to experiencing these sensations as if for the first time. there is an immediacy, and intensity to them that i failed to appreciate as a younger. as an older they hold me in their embrace with a delicate strength. this strength is one 'benefit' of meditation.the awareness of the now is one 'benefit' of meditation.the awareness of beauty is one 'benefit' of meditation.the awareness of simplicity is one 'benefit' of meditation.as is the deep knowing that is love. 
I would perhaps have more actual troubles,but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.You see, I am one of those people who has lived sensibly and sanely,hour after hour, day after day.Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it over again,I'd have more of them.In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.Just moments,one after another,instead of living so many years ahead of each day.I've been one of those people who never goes anywherewithout a thermometer, a hot water bottle,a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.If i had my life to live over,I would start bare foot earlier in the springand stay that way later in the fall.I would go to more dances.I would ride more merry-go-rounds.I would pick more daises.~~nadine stairis it too late to pick more daisies, let go of the parachute, eat more ice cream and live each moment?
a few more days pass and the virus is still hanging on. maybe now you have a cough or a sinus headache, or even a fever. more tissues, more hot drinks, more reading.still a few more days pass and you slowly feel as if you might be recovering. you use fewer tissues, maybe even replace you pajamas with comfy clothing.then an aftereffect of the virus takes hold...vertigo, or diarrhea, or a niggling cough that goes on and on. you realise now that it’s been over two weeks since the first signs of illness. it seems to take more time to bounce back lately. you may be less resilient these days.frustration sets in. you’ve cancelled or re-scheduled appointments. maybe you’ve had to give away tickets for a long-awaited concert. and you notice that your willingness to simply be with what is has plummeted in inverse proportion to the frustration.and then an insight. this is a pause.
the button with the two vertical bars has been pushed. a pause. everything slows or stops altogether. it becomes a time to reflect, to move as if in water...with care, awareness and consideration. each movement is measured against the amount of energy available. choices are made based on that store of energy.slowly then, after weeks of heaviness, and possibly foreboding, after a pause made conscious, energy slowly returns, bit by bit.elderhood allows us the time to recuperate, to convalesce, to pause. we can take time to be with what is, even when what is might be painful, certainly unpleasant. in elderhood all has meaning. you can take the time to return to your ‘regular’ life. and you may have been changed by the experience of the pause.