equinox...equal night

this is the moment of balance when day and night are equal.

this is the moment to breathe, inbreath and outbreath are equal. this is the moment to pause. we are on the cusp, for an instant, as the earth, and each of us, continue to travel on our path. the planet moves continually, just as we do. she spins and revolves, taking us on a wild ride...a ride that we are hardly aware of until there is a pause.we move from winter to spring (in the northern hemisphere) in an instant. daffodils have already emerged. buds are swelling. there may even be a hint of a greening haze as we look at trees and shrubs. a friend of mine calls this the time of innocent green.life is renewing.are we?each spring holds the same promise. does it mean the same now that we are olders? is this a beginning for us, now? can we say “yes” to spring? can we feel the sap rising? where does our renewal live? where can we find the energy to emerge along with the daffodils, bluebells, grasses, fledgling birds, lambs and colts?this ability, this capacity, lies in our inner being. it is well that never runs dry. it is our continual connection with ourselves, one another, the earth and all beings. this is where the wisdom of our years is rooted and can continue to grow and evolve.marcel proust reminds us, “we don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us.”while we may have the companionship of like-minded and like-hearted people as we emerge from winter to spring each year, the journey of the turning of our seasons is ours alone...ours to live fully with love.

eldering

a few years ago a friend recommended a book to me. it sounded interesting, but not essential at the time. i no longer remember what caused the title to come to me again . when it did, my life moved to another place, another level of awareness.  i'm now reading from age-ing to sage-ing the second time around. it was published in 1995, and more relevant now than twenty-three years ago. it's authors, zalman schachter-shalomi and ronald s. miller, put forward a radical view of ageing. it is this view of ageing that inspires me to move beyond what society tells me is true about ageing.instead the authors encourage me to elder.

"...when i refer to someone as eldering, the "ing" of the word refers to a state of growth and evolution, an active responsiblity for our destiny in old age, living by conscious chouce rather than social expectation."

i am then reminded that i have a choice in each moment to be an elder.they go on to say,

"we are not always elders; sometimes we are aging, crotchety,somewhat elderly people. but at any moment in the battle between the forces of aging and eldering,we can become conscious, snap out of the hypnotic trance induced by society and our own inertia, and do the inner work of eldering."

yes, sometimes i am crotchety and querulous, filled with frustration at the changes that ageing brings with it. and then i remember i can snap out of it. i can live in a different place, both inside myself and in the world. i can use the eldering skills of contemplateion, harvesting my life, preparing the legacy that i will leave those who live longer than i will and i can prepare for dying and death.these are the tasks of eldering, the processes that bring joy and meaning to the process of ageing. as schachter-shalomi and miller remind me...

"it's the difference between seeking safety and comfort, on the one hand, and reducing the ego and opening to the Spirit, on the other."

the choice is challenging, as all spiritual work is. the choice in rewarding, as all spiritual work is. and the choice is made, moment to moment, breath to breath, as all spiritual work is.this is the choice to stand in our power as elders.

a quote to contemplate

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

 I want to be thoroughly used up when I die... I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

~~George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)i don't have anything to add to that! it might be a bit harsh, but i love the fire and passion in it!

3 questions

it seems there are three universal death bed questions that arise across cultures.have i given and received love?have i lived my own life or someone elses’s?have i left the world a better place?i’m not sure now where i read/heard this statement. it struck me deeply. is this true for all people, everywhere? does everyone ponder these questions as they come to the end of life?regardless of their universality, they are questions i want to ponder now. i don’t want to wait until my last breaths to ask and answer these profoundly personal questions. i want these questions to inform everything i do, say, think, feel as i walk through each day.these questions might serve as daily reminders of what is truly important to each of us. they can become signposts along the way of conscious ageing.giving and receiving love can be simple acts of kindness and generosity...a smile, a simple “good morning”, picking up a piece of litter on the road, and, of course, a hug. with each of these givings, there is an equal receiving inherent in the act of giving. a smile to a passer-by enlivens my heart equally. a hug may not be returned in equal measure, though the sense of another body that close allows receiving of the love given. each bottle left lying on the street and then placed in the recycling bin is an act of love for our planet the can create greater space, greater clarity.receiving love asks us to be open. what can we do each day to create and maintain an open heart? we might receive love directly in relationship with friends and family, colleagues and acquaintances. love might also be found on a walk in the woods, a creative endeavour, or in quiet meditation. with an open heart, ready to receive, love is everywhere.living one’s own life asks us to examine this life. what truly nourishes and nurtures? can we act on my own behalf, in our best interests? we must know the parts of ourselves that need nourishment and then create, to the best of our ability, an environment that can nurture. to look within and ascertain what is truly our own, not something learned or adopted, asks for willingness to face the truth and the courage to change. that change might occur very slowly, in tiny increments. or the change might come as a sudden earthquake that shakes the foundations. and in the end, via any path, there is a life that is truly unique.leaving the world a better place can take many forms. action around climate change might inspire campaigning to change current policy. offering to help someone move house might relieve anxiety. donations to beloved charities helps fulfill their mission and alleviates suffering. singing in a choir that uplifts and inspires allows music to be a healing force in the worldthe world becomes a better place as we allow love to emerge and flow from our inside to another’s outside.these three questions, and daily answers, can become guides to living a wisdom-filled life, one lived with deepening consciousness and awareness. as years pass and as we move along our chosen path we can live the gift of these contemplations. we can live into our own graceful elderhood.

a rite of passage

thomas moore, in an article in "spirituality and health" magazine wrote:

“I can say from my own experience that at a certain point people will begin to treat you as an elder and look for benefits that you may be able to give them.That is your cue to make a shift.  You are no longer part of the crowd. Now you have to step up and assume a new place in your community.  For you, it is yet another rite of passage, an ascension of state and transformation of you and  your life to a level where you can enjoy new pleasures and feel new obligations…That act requires character and the ability to know yourself without falling into either too high an opinion of yourself or false humility. Normally you develop this capacity for honest leadership over many years.  The apprenticeship for the elder begins very young and continues over a lifetime.”

--adapted from his Ageless Soul:  The Lifelong Journey Toward Meaning and Joy to become an elder is "another rite of passage". we have lived many of these passages over the years. we commonly think of them in terms of biology or social customs. many are easily recognised and validated. the passage into elderhood is unspoken, unseen and unvalued.how would you mark this passage?would it be a wild party, complete with champagne, when you reach one of the years that ends in '0'?would it be a retreat to the countryside with a few select friends?would it be a cruise to an exotic land?would it be a sedate tea party?would it be a ritual in sacred space?would it be a trip down memory lane? stepping into this new role we have new responsibilities and new pleasures (and probably a few new aches and pains). yes, it is our ageing that places the mantle of elderhood on our shoulders. what will we leave behind? what values have we embodied as examples for those that follow us? how have we lived our lives and what have we learned?the answers to these questions form our legacy, whether we tell our tales verbally to others, or we simply shine in our wholeness in each present moment.  being the full humans that we are is enough. touching the hearts of others in some way is an extra helping of goodness. this is our contribution to humanity as we grow in years.this is the apprenticeship fulfilled that began decades ago, at a very young age, and has continued through our lifetime. 

blackberries

In the early morning an old womanis picking blackberries in the shade.It will be to hot laterbut right now there’s dew.Some berries fall: those are the squirrels.Some are unripe, reserved for bears.Some go into the metal bowl.Those are for you, so you may taste themJust for a moment.That’s good times: one little sweetnessafter another, then quickly gone.Once, this old womanI’m conjuring up for youwould have been my grandmother.Today it’s me.Years from now it might be you,if you’re quite lucky.The hands reaching outamong the leaves and spineswere once my mother’s.I’ve passed them on.Decades ahead, you’ll study your owntemporary hands, and you’ll remember.Don’t cry, this is what happens.Look! The steel bowlis almost full. Enough for all of us.The blackberries gleam like glass,like the glass ornamentswe hang on trees in Decemberto remind ourselves to be grateful for snow.Some berries occur in sun,but they are smaller.It’s as i always told you:the best ones grow in shadow.~~margaret atwood  (canada, 1939--)

this poem crossed my path as i sat, waiting for the dentist. so much to contemplate in atwood’s words, the words of a poet, an artist.she reminds me that my hands, like everything, are temporary. i’ve looked at my hands all my life. smooth and unmarked by experience they once were. today, the veins mark blue rivers of life across their backs. the knuckles, once small and almost invisible, are proud of the decades of movement. the skin once had no spots or lines or wrinkles. now the skin is decorated with all sorts of meandering pathways and earthy, brown orbs. temporary...ever-changing...like all of life.and atwood reminds me to share with other creatures, be they wild animals or well-civilised humans. i must leave a portion for others. i must surrender part of what comes to me for the community of beings.and most, importantly, the poet reminds me that “the best ones grow in the shadow”. it is here, in the less visible, in the darker spaces, that the juicy bits develop. it is here that the lessons of life, the lessons of ageing, reside, some hidden until we are willing to set them free. by doing so, we set ourselves free. it is the process of life repair...looking deep into our lives...that can lead to forgiveness. we can forgive ourselves and other for being human, each of us wanting only the best, gleaming blackberries.