it is often hard to forgive. and it is imperative to know which people and situations can be forgiven with ease and grace and which will take time…sometimes a long time…to forgive.the well-known, american, buddhist teacher jack kornfield reminds us,
“We have all been betrayed, abandoned, hurt or abused. We have all betrayed, abandoned, hurt, or abused others. The world is full of greed, hatred, racism, injustice.”
hurt happens to us all. it is human and universal. and we usually hurt, and are hurt by, those who mean the most to us. it is in our heart that the hurt lies, in that most intimate space, as a dark miasma or a raging fire.kornfield then goes on to tell us,
“Forgiveness is an invitation to remember the transforming power of our own heart. It is a reminder there is another way . . . living with compassion.”
compassion too lives in the heart…a deep, spacious openness that is also intimate.
rabbi zalman schachter-shalomi put it another way. he teaches that our lack of forgiveness imprisons both ourself and the other. we are both shackled in the fog of resentment, anger, grief and pain which often festers over decades. we have become our own jailer, for we must stay in jail with the other. we are limited by our inability, or unwillingness, to forgive. we have limited our ability to give and receive love, that most intimate of emotions. our vitality is restricted. and we stay stuck in the prison, unable to move on with life.
holding on to grudges is often a reflection of the need to be “right”, to prove our own moral high ground. to release those holdings brings us onto a level field with the other. we can then begin to find ways of repair. while we may not find love again, we can open our hearts to life again.there are some pathways to forgiveness which we will consider in the next few blog posts.
meanwhile, let us all hold the practice of forgiveness in our heartmind.let us begin to walk the elder’s path of life repair.