"i think of the trees and how simply they let go, let fall the riches of a season, how without grief (it seems) they can let go and go deep into their roots for renewal and sleep. … imitate the trees. learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain … sit it out. let it all pass. let it go." ~~ may sarton
for many this is a time of disquiet and depression. the dark becomes an oppressor. while the plant kingdom retreats and withdraws, our culture has created a time of frantic activity and dazzle. this time of year seems to create more stress than joy, more anxiety and generosity, and more sleepless nights than restful ones.for others it is a time to slow, a time to be, a time to quiet. it is the sabbath of the year, a time to reflect on the glories of life itself. it is truly the time of “renewal and sleep”, the darkest days and longest nights.we seem to have created this as a time of acquisition, of conquest, of commercial nausea. meanwhile, other beings, with whom we live, are hibernating. the flowers are long gone. the sap withdraws and the branches are naked to the wind and rain.
can we “imitate the trees”? can we find our root strength, the ground on which we stand? can we make choices that reflect our wisdom and experience to honour that which might need renewal, that which might need a pause? can we “sit it out”? can we be with the pain of loss, whatever the loss may be? can we be with difference?letting go, as the leaves do without effort, is one of the lessons of conscious ageing. can we let go of the old paradigm of ageing in order to create a new one? can we see ourselves as agents of change? can we let go, each of us, of our internalised ageism, our view of ourselves as without value?we can.we must, if we are to live out our years with truth, authenticity, love, joy and compassion.this is truly a resolve with which to welcome the return and renewal of the light.
in a lifetime we have died many times. our cells are continuously dying. we acquire new abilities and knowledge, and that which is no longer needed dies. we witness death each winter as the roses fade, turn brown and die.this is the couch potato energy in all of us! it is the part of us that just wants to lie down and do nothing. it is the part that loves to daydream, relax and sleep. we do this instinctively.the psychologist, stanley keleman, in living your dying, reminds us that “the body knows how to die. we are born knowing about dying.” and while we know about dying, our culture has conditioned us to think only of growth, expansion and achievement. what of quiet, stillness, inward-looking and contemplation? this is the home of thanatos.to welcome and include this instinct, this inner reflection, is part of the work of spiritual eldering. when let go of the panic and denial of death, we can embrace thanatos energy to guide us in a life filled with a larger view. keleman also encourages us to live “.... a new myth, a new vision of maturity and longevity. we are not victims of dying; death does not victimize us.”balancing the movement inward of thanatos and the movement outward of the instinct toward life is the work of conscious ageing. this is the balance between yin and yang, centripetal and centrifugal forces. and in the time of eldering, the centripetal, yin force is in ascendence. it helps us to become more contemplative. it allows us to choose to stay in at night in the dark, cold time of the year. it allows us to find new avenues for our creative energy. it allows us to grow and expand internally. it allows us to find meaning in the life we have lived and the life we are living.the dying of the year, the winter solstice, brings with it the light of the next cycle...the instinct toward death and the instinct toward life flow into one another seamlessly, effortlessly, gracefully in each moment.
(this post was inspired by rabbi zalman schachter-shalomi and his book from age-ing to sage-ing.)
we can now stand in our own power. we can live authentically, from our true nature, without the pressures of employment, certain family obligations and those nagging internal voices that have, for decades, run the show. there may be new commitments that we make, but many are made from choice.spiritual practice supports this aspect of our eldering. it doesn’t matter which practice or how we do it. the only necessity is the doing of it. for in these years of elderhood, connection with something larger that our own ego, our small self, is vitally important to keeping us vibrant, curious and vital.many of the american spiritual teachers who brought eastern thought and practices to the west are now in their 60s, 70s and 80s. they are our mentors, our role models. and they show us the path of the heart in elderhood, the path of authenticity, of being present and awake. each one is a shining example of what is possible in elderhood, each one following her/his unique path, having made that choice.
we all have that option.let us each decide, now, to be our authentic, eldering self.
and she thought this training, and finding her soul’s purpose, was her last chance.while we all have experienced sadness or regret about efforts not completed, or opportunities not taken up, or decisions that seemed unwise at the time (or years later), when i heard the phrase “last chance” my heart went out to this unknown student, and my hopes that she finds her soul’s purpose and can follow her calling.more potently i came in touch with the process of re-framing or re-contextualising events that seem to have been “wrong” at the time, or later in hindsight. to create a more life-affirming attitude to past happenings allows us to hold with love and compassion all the decades we have lived. by re-framing we can see that everything that has happened has brought us to this moment. without those disappointments, decisions and periods of sadnesse we would not be the people we are now.re-contextualising allows a space to open inside. where this space may have been filled with anger, resentment, fear and tension, there is now more ease, more room to breathe. forgiveness becomes possible...forgiveness for ourselves as well as for others.and we can begin to value what might have seemed wasted or regrettable. what lessons have been learned from those experiences? what turning points brought us to where we are now? what do we know now about living a fulfilling life that we didn’t know at 20 or 30 or 40? what are the most profound lessons learned over decades of life experience? what are the most important values and principles we live by?the answers to these questions might allow my friend’s student to find the thrill of exploring and manifesting her soul’s purpose...and allowing it to be right, no matter what her age or when she discovered her passion.
think about it...at 28 most of us reflect, with more or less angst, about our place in the world, our identity in the larger scheme of things. choices made at this time have an effect on the rest of our lives. we are, for the most part, adults and responsible. what decisions did we make then? how did those decisions effect our lives? could we change the course of our lives after that point?and then the opportunity (astrologically speaking) arises again at 56. on my 56th birthday i realised i was closer to 60 than 50. at the time, that was a scary thought! it brought me up short. from that point on i began to think about ageing, old age, illness and death. while i hoped i had more years to live fully, i knew, knew in the deepest part of myself, that the inevitable was flowing closer.and, i knew that it didn’t matter that i was a successful/unsuccessful something. it didn’t matter that i was/was not a partner/parent. i didn’t matter if i owned/didn’t own a car/house. it didn’t matter if i had/didn’t have a title/job. it didn’t matter if i was a woman or a man, straight or gay or bi or trans. it didn’t matter if i was blonde/brunette or dyed/natural. all of those identities didn’t matter in the least.because all of these identities change many times in a lifetime, all that truly mattered was my inner being.and what is that? what is our essence ? what is it that doesn’t change? what is it that remains while shape, health, teeth, digestion, relationships change?as we age, we often remark that we don’t “feel” 60 or 70 or 80. what we might feel is our life force and we identify that energy with the time we were younger. i, for one, would not want to be a teenager or a 20-year or 30- year old ever again. i much prefer this 70+ time.do i now identify as an ‘old’ woman?or do i aspire to let go of all identities? can i be spontaneous? can i open to the present moment without the filters of age, gender, culture, conditioning? can i identify with the eternal?
this time of year (no matter which holiday you celebrate) invariably brings with it many expectations, hopes, desires, fears, and concerns, as well as exhaustion. in addition to all that, there are the chocolates and mince pies and the many extra pounds...both those spent in shops or online and those visible on the body. the commercial nature of this time of year drives me indoors faster than the weather does. i avoid large parts of town from 1 december to 15 january!i wonder...is it possible to bring to this time a sense of calm and tranquility, replacing the hectic pace and worry that is so common?we, as elders, have the opportunity to create serenity in our social environment, whether that be with blood family, chosen family or friends and acquaintances. we can express our wishes for joy, compassion and peace, our spiritual values, in every encounter with a sales clerk who is harassed and tired. we can show our caring to the mum, children in tow, who is carrying too many packages. and we can communicate our centeredness wordlessly by simply being present, fully in ourselves, in the midst of the chaos.we can also make different buying choices that would have an influence not only on those close to us, but on the bottom line.imagine this festive time as the one when we exchanged only hand-made gifts, gifts we made ourselves or those hand-crafted by artisans. imagine this time of celebration with only enough food on the table to feed those who are actually present. (okay, a few left-overs too). imagine leaving the table pleasantly satisfied instead of overly full. imagine this time without excess sugar and alcohol...just enough to taste the sweetness of the holiday.imagine this time as an occasion to go inward.imagine this as a time to honour the divine spark of light in each of the people you hold dear.
imagine this season truly filled with love and caring.imagine this time as blessed.