winter approachesthe days shorten and darken, the nights grow long
there are lots of grumbles and moans...every year. this change in light to dark effects us deeply, especially since so few of us actually respect or honour this rhythm of the Earth.what would your life look like if, for a few months while the days are short, you slowed down? did less? breathed more? be-d more? what would your life feel like in resonance with Mother Earth?though i rarely go to the bible for references, the old testament commands farmers to allow their land to lie fallow every seventh year.
though our twelve month cycle doesn’t fit this specific rhythm, it has one of its own....autumn, to winter, to spring and summer. what would your life be like lived in this rhythm, allowing the dark time to be a fallow, slower time?the fallow year allows the earth to simply be...or so it appears on the surface. when planting and tilling and weeding cease, the surface rests while unseen energies...the bugs and microbes...are doing their work.
so it can be with us. we have our own inner life, the one unseen on the surface. during this quiescent time thoughts, dreams, ideas have space to bubble and blend.
they are preparing to emerge after the winter solstice when the days lengthen.because we live in a society based on productivity this pause, this yearly period of rest, is ignored, derided, transformed into a season of consuming. it is ignored just as elders, who consume less and produce less, are ignored and sidelined. this inner spacetime, which is integral to eldering, is transformed into meaninglessness and debility.what would all of our lives look like when the seasons of our lives honoured the seasons of the Earth? what would all of our lives look like when elders are honoured? when we honour ourselves?
these words were written as the man was dying. he was the husband of an acquaintance of mine. i don’t know his name. she gave me a photocopy of his hand written words as we sat together in a group willing to go deep within and consider the growing into elderhood.one of the sacred tasks of the elder is to look at our mortality…our inevitable death. this is practice over time…unless we run out of time, of course.
to look 
it also allows us to love.
what surprises you about growing older?
other days are filled with regret, leaden skies, painful news and boredom.
and then there are the days that remind us of the passage of days as registered in our physical form. an injury, a twist, a shooting pain, another limitation. these are the days that we might find ourselves in a feedback loop of sensation, labelling, desire for relief, and paracetamol. even the doing of ‘good’ things, such as exercise, might create these challenges.how do we respond? the entire gamut of emotions often arises in these moments...anger, disbelief, fury, amazement, sadness, grief, curiosity.
it is this last that might fascinate the elder. how has this body changed? what can I learn from this new ache, this unexpected pain? where is my threshold for these changes? can i breathe through this? do i need to visit a health care practitioner? My GP? A&E?curiosity seasoned with discernment might be the mantra of our ageing bodies. buddhists suggest we sit with and observe the sensations in the knowledge that they will change. the sensations will increase, decrease, cease altogether. and change they will. decades of experience with our bodies have taught us how they open to the new, how they shut down to the unexpected, what actions we usually take.some days are easy; some days not. it is true that some of us have higher tolerances that others of us. it is also true that some of us respond with more curiosity than others of us.what is important here is self-knowledge...knowing our patterns and choosing to follow them or to try something different. one path is not better than another, simply different.it is the awareness that matters whether the day is easy, or not.
she writes from decades of medical experience working with older people. Some of her patients are in there 60s, others in their 100s. what is clear from a recent interview on national public radio (non-commercial broadcasting in the US) is that there is almost no research to support doctors in treating older people.i would imagine that the situation is the same in the UK as it is in the US...more doctors train for paediatrics than geriatrics despite the fact that, on the whole, more care is needed as we age than in the first part of life. in other words, caring for older people just isn’t as sexy as dealing with kids.dr. aronson talks a great deal about medications and the problems faced by older people in the world of medicines.
there is much to be learned in this 35-minute interview. she speaks eloquently about her own eldering process, preceded by a massive burnout. she also talks of her father’s dying and the difficult decisions that needed to be made.her deepest advice is to plan...create advance directives for health care and finanaces.
make clear to those closest to you what you want and what you don’t want. deal with your material possessions as well as your medical needs as best you can. of course, there is always the unexpected, but if there is documentation of your desires, you are more likely to have the treatment you choose.we cannot know the day of our death. we do know, however, that it will happen. we cannot know the circumstances of our death. we can, however, make clear the manner in which we would prefer to die.facing our mortality is a task of the elder. Inquiring deeply into our hearts about our values, our commitments, our beliefs can lead us to making the plans that will guide our dear ones and make their tasks a bit lighter.
that which we acknowledge and love about ourselves and that which we prefer not to see…yet in the knowing, the deep honouring, of all of ourselves lies the space in the heart for courage and abiding hope.as he faced his death, probably with many feelings and sensations, this man found openness and willingness. he doesn’t ask us to reject grieving. he knows his dear ones will grieve. but he asks that the grieving not be final, not be immutable. he asks that there be space, space for love.he knew, maybe for many years or maybe only for a short time, that both the light and the shadow are essential to our wholeness. on our precious planet it is the sun that causes shadow. and how grateful we are for shade on a hot day.
yet we reject and ostracise our internal shadow.these are the gritty bits of ourselves that create the spark for the light. they are the places we rub up against in others and in ourselves. often the confrontation with shadow is painful. and yet, it is the heart of our growth and evolution.elders often have the opportunity to look deeply into the shadow, and to heal the places that grate, that irritate, that hurt. we have time and space to contemplate the ways in which the shadow might have wrought havoc in our lives. we still have time and space to make amends and to re-frame those experiences.we have time and space to dare to find abiding hope.we have time and space to dare to love.