curiosity

so many physical changes. parts of me hurt that never hurt before. i have cried. i have felt angry. never have i felt joyful over this. until today...as i practiced yoga.

today i had another experience.

i was curious...curious about how these pains actually felt. i said to myself today, “isn’t this interesting?” “i wonder what this holds for me, what can i explore here?”

curiosity

the voice in my head (i'll bet you have one too!)  says i am supposed to be able to practice as i did at 45 when i attended my first yoga class. even then i couldn’t do what the 20-year olds could do, but that was okay then. this voice has told me repeatedly that how i am able to practice at 71 was not good enough...until today.

today, curiosity became the watchword. isn’t this interesting!

suddenly, my shoulders felt more open, my hips more supple. nothing changed...except my mind. curiosity led me to breathe into the discomfort, into the sensations, so that i could explore what was there. as i became more acutely aware of exactly what was happening, i could be with the moment and then make a choice. curiosity slowed my conditioned response to move away from discomfort.

at that moment i could decide...shall i stay here with this discomfort and continue to inquire? shall i, with continued awareness and curiosity, adjust my body to lessen the discomfort and see what is there in that new place? shall i simply let go and lie down happily on my mat?

shavasana.jpg

there is no “right” answer to these questions...they are all right.

curiosity led to equanimity.