a dream

 

in the early morning hours...

i am giving birth. i live in a past time where women gave birth at home and often died in the process. the midwife is with me. i have already given birth to 13 children. this is the 14th child. the babe does not want to emerge and i am weakening in my body. i ask the midwife to give me a herb to encourage the babe. she tells me it could kill me. i know this and tell her i might die anyway, so there are risks either way. my spirit is strong and i choose the herb. before she can administer it, the babe emerges and i wake up.

what does this dream tell me as i reflect on aging?

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it speaks to me of the need to keep birthing, regardless of the number of ‘children’ i have created in the past. it speaks of the birth of new consciousness, new affinity, new openings, the birth of the cosmic child who lives in me. this 14th child is filled with wonder and delight as well as a deep awareness that my life-force is waning, slowly right now, sure to continue the process.

and even as my physical energy may be less than in past decades, the energy of awareness is growing, birthing the unknown, the unexpected. this is the birth that needed no external assistance, no herb to encourage its emergence. it arose, if haltingly, from the inside. there is support, a midwife (or two) to guide the process of awakening while the birthing continues on its own.

there was great energy and vibrance in the dream. though the surroundings were darkened, the drama unfolded clearly illuminated. i was aware of the risks. no matter which way i chose, the death of my ego was possible, even probable, certainly desired. the birth of new form continues regardless. i chose the life of consciousness over the physical form.